Star Wars: Funny Shiz
by JediMayukiDaAWESOME
Summary: Weird randomness at the Jedi Temple *Shock horror* Hopefully you find it funny!
1. Chapter 1: Turkeys, Cookies, and Cheese

**STAR WARS FUNNY SHIZ**

Anakin: Hello, viewers!

Padme: Welcome to 'Star Wars Funny Shiz'!

*Obi-wan appears randomly and yells*: ANAKIN'S SCARED OF LEGO!

*Anakin shakily*: N-No! It's not true! It's a lie!

Obi-wan: Yeah, you are! I bought you LEGO to play with when you were ten and you thought they were ration sticks and tried to eat them. You started choking and nearly died and would've if it wasn't for my dashing rescue.

*Grins at audience with his signature smug smile, standing in a dramatic pose as fanfare plays*

Padme: -|||- Err ... ahem!

*Obi-wan's fanfare dies immediately as he broke out of his pose*: Oh, yeah! Ahem ... ever since then, Anakin, whenever he sees LEGO, he screams like a youngling and hides under his bed or jumps into someone's arms.

*Anakin looking furious as he crosses his arms and looks away*: Oh yeah?! Well, prove it!

Obi-wan: I shall!

*Pulls out LEGO from behind his back and shoves it in Anakin's face*: LOOK AT IT!

*Anakin cries weakly and pathetically*: OMG, NOOOOOOOOOO!

*Runs away screaming in a high pitched voice, arms flailing and jumps in the arms of his padawan, Ahsoka*

Ahsoka: WTF?! Get off me!

*Anakin points at the LEGO in Obi-wan's hand: OOMG, SS-SSAVE M-ME F-F-FROM TH-THAT THING!

Ahsoka: What? That piece of LEGO in Obi-wan's hand?

Anakin: PLEASE!

Ahsoka: ALL RIGHT! Just get the fuck off of me!

*Anakin complies and Ahsoka grabs the piece of LEGO and chucks it in the garbage chute*

*Anakin looks relieved*: Oh! Thank god! I thought I was going to die there!

*Ahsoka looks at him completely and utterly confused*: WTH? How are you scared of LEGO when there is a 'LEGO Star Wars: The Clone Wars' game and play set?

*Anakin looks horrified at Ahsoka*: OMG! Please tell me it's not true!

Ahsoka: Yeah, it is. Look.

*Ahsoka pulls out the game and play set out of nowhere*

*Anakin screams again and jumps out of the window*

Ahsoka: WTF is his problem?

Obi-wan: ... O-okay?! Well, JediMayukiDaAWESOME doesn't own Star Wars, Disney, alcohol or LEGO.

Padme: JediMayukiDaAWESOME does own the characters Sabishii Sutorenja, Mayuki Morimoto, Aikou Kaiyou and Naruhi Tonata.

Ahsoka: Please enjoy and review!

Yoda: BOO!

Ahsoka: YARGH!

*Ahsoka Force Pushes Yoda into the Jedi Temple's pool of porridge*

Ahsoka: Oh shit! Sorry, Master Yoda!

*Yoda stands up dramatically from the pool of porridge, wipes off the porridge in his eyes in slow motion and readies his cane*

Ahsoka: OMFG, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*Ahsoka runs away at 1000mp/h with Yoda at her heels. When she looked behind her, she crashed into a wall and KO'd herself and Yoda did the same.* Heh.

Chapter 1: Turkeys, Cookies and a whole lot of Cheese

The group just lay around the halls of the Jedi Temple, bored out of their freaking minds. The group was composed of Jedi Padawans Ahsoka Tano, Barriss Offee, Mayuki Morimoto, Sabishii Sutorenja, Jedi Knights Aayla Secura, Naruhi Tonata, Aikou Kaiyou, Stass Allie, Anakin Skywalker, Bant Eerin Jedi Masters Luminara Unduli, Kit Fitso, Tahl, Qui-gon Jinn, Agen Kolar, Saesee Tinn, Adi Gallia, Obi-wan Kenobi, Yaddle and Jedi Grand Master Yoda. Clones Fives, Echo, Hevy, Rex, Cody and Senators Padme Amidala, Riyo Chuchi, Mina Bonteri, Lux Bonteri and Duchess Satine were also with them. When the clock struck twelve, Ahsoka yelled in frustration "ARGH! I'M SO FREAKING BORED!"

Anakin yelled in reply "I KNOW, RIGHT?! WE NEED TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!"

"WE'RE YELLING ABOUT NOTHING, OKAY?!" Luminara shouted.

"IMMA FISH-MAN!" Kitt yelled out for no apparent reason.

"NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!" Aayla shouted back.

"TURTLE, IMMA!" Yoda screamed out randomly.

"AUTHOR, STOP MAKING US YELL ALL THE FUCKING TIME!" Barriss yelled at me.

"ALRIGHT! JUST EAT WAFFLES AND I'LL STOP MAKING YOU YELL!" I yell back.

"FINE!" the group yelled and all ate waffles.

"Okay! You guys can talk normally now!"

Everybody sighs in relief and Luminara turned to Barriss and said "Next time, young padawan, don't swear."

Barriss looks down at her feet and said "Yes, Master Luminara. I'm sorry."

Luminara nodded then asked her curiously "Where did you learn to swear, my young padawan? I've never sworn once in front of you."

Barriss looked nervous and gave a weak laugh and said "W-Well ... you see ... I ... I ... AHSOKA TOLD ME TO SWEAR MORE OFTEN AND SHOWED ME HOW!"

Luminara spun slowly to look at Ahsoka, who's backing away slowly. "So," Luminara began, her eyes closed and twitching rapidly, "you taught my padawan to swear and made her swear ... in my presence as well."

Her eyes flashed open and started bolting at her while Ahsoka made a run for it, yelling "YOU FUCKING BITCH, YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE FOR FUCKING FILLING HER HEAD WITH THAT KIND OF FUCKING BULLSHIT!"

"YAAAA-HAAARGGH!" Ahsoka screamed as she ran away from a livid and raving Luminara, who was chasing Ahsoka with her lightsaber activated.

Everyone just watched the scene unfold as Ahsoka and Luminara ran up and down the hallway, screaming, yelling and, in Luminara's case, swearing. Rex turned to Lux and said "Shouldn't you go and save your girlfriend?"

Lux turned to Rex and said "Two things: a) She's not my girlfriend and b) I've never been able to save anyone. And ... I don't think she likes me."

Rex puts an arm around his shoulders and says "Don't think like that. Of course, she likes you. Ever since you two met, I've heard her keep talking about you. No joke. And besides, you can save her. Just let your love for her flow through your body as adrenaline and SAVE YOUR GIRL!"

Lux jumps up and shouts out "YEAH! I GONNA SAVE HER, BITCHES!"

Everybody applauds at this but stop when Ahsoka was flung into the next hallway and they heard:

SMASH!

"YOU BITCH!"

PUNCH! KICK! SMACK! SMACK! PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH!

"PWOAR!"

Lux pulled out his blaster and yelled "DON'T WORRY, AHSOKA! LUX BONTERI IS COMING TO THE RESCUUUUUE!"

Lux turned around the corner going "Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na BONTERI!" as he switched his gun to stun and started shooting at the deranged Luminara.

"GET AWAY FROM MY GIRL, YOU BITCH!" he yelled as he sent round after round at Luminara. He ran out of rounds and chucked his gun to the side as he summoned his ultimate weapon "COME FORTH ... THE PINK KILLER TURKEY!"

A miniature pink turkey appeared out of nowhere, scratching at the Temple floor. Luminara and Ahsoka (who was pinned to the ground with Luminara on top of her, grabbing her collar, her fist raised to punch Ahsoka's bloodied head), stared in wonder at the turkey. Luminara got off of Ahsoka (who scrambled to the wall), stood up and started laughing "You really think I'll be scared of a turkey?! You're lame! What use does a turkey have against a Jedi with a lightsaber?"

Lux and the turkey glared at the laughing Jedi Master and said in unison "You are making a grave mistake. RELEASE THE CHEESE SPRAY!"

The turkey released a powerful burst of cheese spray at Luminara, knocking her against the wall.

"ARGH!" she screamed and fell painfully to the floor. She got up slowly to her feet and ate a bit of the cheese. She glared at them and said darkly "Nobody but nobody uses mozzarella cheese spray on me and gets away with it! COOKIE SHURIKEN!"

Luminara summoned a huge choc-chip cookie shuriken out of nowhere and hurled it and the killer turkey. Out of the blue, a random dude jumped in front of the shuriken with a large "NOOOO!" and lay dying on the ground. Lux rushed to the guy's side and asked dramatically "Why? Why would you sacrifice your life to save us?"

The guy said weakly "It-it's for the T-Turkey P-Prot-tecti-tion S-So-c-ciety. Long live the turkeys! Gobble, gobble. Urgh."

He lay dead in Lux's arms as he cried silently, vowing to avenge him. He laid him down on the ground and he and the killer turkey charged at Luminara.

"FOR THE TURKEYS!" Lux yelled as he charged and summoned an apple battle hammer out of nowhere and the turkey summoned a cheese spray gun and Lux yelled "Forbidden Jutsu: Apple and Cheese Combo Attack!"

The turkey kept shooting Luminara as Lux whacked her with the apple hammer and she eventually knocked out. Lux un-summoned the apple hammer and the pink killer turkey and the cheese spray gun. He scooped up Ahsoka and carried her to the others. The others cheered and Ahsoka shouted "HEY! LET'S HAVE A PARTY!" This was greeted with yells and everyone went to their quarters to get changed while Obi-wan carried Luminara to the Medical Bay and let her regain consciousness.

Three hours later: Ahsoka's apartment

Ahsoka sat on the couch dressed in a dark blue, sparkly, strapless dress with splits down the side to show some leg and had most of her back showing. She also wore dark blue sparkly heels that slightly improved her height. The door opened and Barriss, Cody, Luminara and Obi-wan appeared. Barriss wore a leopard-skin coloured dress that had straps and came just above the knee. A thick black belt with a silver buckle covered most of her stomach and stopped just below the bust line and she also wore black heels. Cody was wearing a white shirt and a black un-zipped hoodie over the top of it. He wore black denim jeans and long black boots over the pant legs. Luminara, shockingly to Ahsoka, didn't wear her headdress and did nothing to cover it. Her hair was in neat dreadlocks that came nearly halfway down her back. She wore a brown shirt with a white, silver fur-lined jacket with a hood. She had dark blue jeans with a dull silver belt and brown boots under the pant legs. And finally, Obi-wan wore a long sleeved collared shirt with a black dress jacket. He also wore black dress pants and shoes, which were polished until they shone.

"Hiya guys!" she said enthusiastically, "You guys look great!" They chorused their thanks and sat down to wait for the others. Lux then came into the room, dressed like an absolute hunk in a white collared, buttoned shirt and black dress pants and shoes. He cuddled next to Ahsoka and whispered "You look hot tonight!" She giggled and snuggled into his chest.

Then, out of nowhere, Kit, Agen and Anakin burst in through the wall dressed as ninjas and screamed "HAIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The group screamed and Obi-wan jumped into Luminara's arms, Cody and Barriss fell over the couch and Lux and Ahsoka jumped so high they got caught on the fan and were whirled around at a very fast pace. The Jedi-turned-Ninja took a picture of the spinning pair with their cake cameras and they stripped off their clothing to show their party gear underneath.

Luminara and Obi-wan (who jumped out of Luminara's arms after realising what he'd done) helped the pair get down from the spinning fan. Not long after that, everyone came at once with party food, alcohol and a disco ball. As everything was set up, the music started playing (the first song was "Miss International Love" by Pitbull) and the party began.


	2. Chapter 2: Karaoke Madness

**Star Wars Funny Shiz part 2: Karaoke Madness, Drunks and Insanity**

Mayuki: *Singing* Wel-come, to Sta-r Wa-rs Fu-nny Shi-z!

Aikou: *Singing* Part 2!

Naruhi: *Screamo* WHY ARE WE SINGING THE DISCLAIMER?!

Ahsoka: *Screamo* BECAUSE WE CAN!

Yoda: *Screamo* AND KARAOKE MADNESS, IS THE CHAPTER'S TITLE! SING AND SCREAM, WE MUST!

Obi-wan: *Drunk/Opera* O-pera, for the WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!

*All of the glass in the Jedi Temple smash and shatter under the power of Obi-wan's voice*

Barriss: *Turns to him slowly* What the hell, was that?!

Cody: *Mutters* Ear rape, closely followed by murder.

Obi-wan: HEY!

Anakin: *Cleans out his ears* Well, JediMayukiDaAWESOME doesn't own Star Wars, Disney, alcohol, LEGO or any listed music.

Barriss: *Rubs her temples* JediMayukiDaAWESOME does own the characters Mayuki Morimoto, Sabishii Sutorenja, Naruhi Tonata and Aikou Kaiyou

Aayla: *Completely Smashed/Opera* Please ENJOOOOOOOOOOY!

*Earthquake*

Everyone: AAYLA!

The music at Ahsoka's party was going good, with everyone dancing and partying, drinking booze with Yoda and Yaddle doing speed in the far corner of the toilets next door. Everything was going sane, until the karaoke started.

Anakin got on stage as 'Hot Stuff' by the 'Pussy Cats Dolls' started playing:

Well I tried

But I won't give in

That's alright

'Cause I'm going to win

Now I know

I've got to let you go

Now I see

You were never meant for me

Looking for your hot stuff

Baby, I need it

Looking for your hot stuff

Baby, tonight

I want your hot stuff

I got to feel it

Got to have your hot stuff

Got to have your love tonight

By this point, a whole swarm of fangirls were screaming over him and tried to get on stage but Padme single-handed held them all back with Anakin's lightsaber, fortunately not killing anyone.

Ooh yeah

I want you back

Ooh yeah

I want you back

I remember the love in your eye

When you took my hand and said goodbye

I don't know where the river flows

But now I'm free

I'm not going to go down again

Looking for your hot stuff

Baby, I need it (Come on)

Looking for your hot stuff

Baby, tonight (Baby, baby)

I want your hot stuff

I got to feel it (I got to feel it)

Got to have your hot stuff

Got to have your love tonight

Ooh yeah

I want you back

Ooh yeah

I want you back

Ooh yeah

I want you back

Ooh yeah

I want you back

Hot, hot, hot

Hot, hot, hot

Hot, hot, hot

Hot, hot, hot

Looking for your hot stuff

Baby, I need it

Looking for your hot stuff

Baby, tonight (Baby, tonight)

I want your hot stuff

I got to feel it

Got to have your hot stuff

Got to have your love tonight

The music ended and the fangirls managed to get on stage and carry Anakin triumphantly above their heads, running away with him. Padme chased after them, with rage in her eyes down the corridor, just as the drunken Ventress and Maleficent went behind a stone pillar with a couple more beers before getting it on.

Ahsoka, Barriss and Mayuki all saw this and their eyes widened before Mayuki managed to shove the three of them on stage. They took off their gear so Ahsoka was wearing a tribal, flow-y, sleeveless red crop top and a matching red, tribal skirt that had a sharp, diagonal hem line (the longest part reaching her left knee), and red, sandal-style heels. Barriss had matching clothing to Ahsoka's, except Barriss' had thick straps and hers was dark blue, nearly black. Mayuki was the same, but hers was a Pakistan green and had a thick strap covering her left shoulder and the skirt hem was mirrored from Ahsoka's and Barriss'.

The crowd wolf whistled and Luminara covered her mouth with her hand as she sat on the couch next to Obi-wan and whispered horrified "Oh. My. God."

Next, Lux, Sabishii and Cody got on stage with a chair each, all shirtless and barefoot with a lit up cigarette in their mouths, with only dark blue jeans on with black belts. They lined up the chairs orderly behind their girlfriends and sat down respectively. The music began as the girls placed on small head set microphones and they all sat down on their boyfriends' laps with their legs over one side and their arms around their necks. Barriss, who was in the middle of the group, began to Cody:

I know that we are young.

And I know you may love me.

But I just can't be with you like this anymore.

Alejandro.

The girls got up slowly and away from their boyfriends, vocalising and dancing with a fair amount of emphasis on their hips, turning on all of the men present. Barriss sang:

She's got both hands

in her pocket.

And she won't look at you,

Won't look at you

She hides true love

En su bolsillo.

She's got a halo 'around her finger.

Around you.

The girls lap danced their boyfriends and all sang:

You know that I love you boy.

Hot like Mexico, rejoice.

At this point I gotta choose,

nothing to loose.

They got off of them and they stood up the boys followed suit. The girls solemnly danced:

Don't call my name.

Don't call my name, Alejandro.

I'm not your babe.

I'm not your babe, Fernando.

They motioned the following lyrics before wrapping a legs around their boyfriends' waist and swinging away while whipping out the lit-up cigarettes and puffing out a long draught of smoke before placing them back into the boys' mouths, horrifying Luminara, Obi-wan, Anakin and Padme (who managed to get Anakin back) while exciting everyone else.

Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch.

Just smoke my cigarrette and hush.

Don't call my name.

Don't call my name, Roberto.

Alejandro.

Alejandro.

Ale-ale-jandro.

Ale-ale-jandro. [2x]

Barriss finished off by herself:

(Just stop. Please. Just let me go. Alejandro. Just let me go.)

Ahsoka took over while all of they were dancing sexily and in synch:

She's not broken,

She's just a baby.

But her boyfriend's like a dad, just like a dad.

and all those flames that burned before him.

Now he's gonna fight your fight, gonna cool the bad.

They all sung again repeating the chorus and pre-chorus dance:

You know that I love you boy.

Hot like Mexico, rejoice.

At this point I gotta choose,

nothing to loose

Don't call my name.

Don't call my name, Alejandro.

I'm not your babe.

I'm not your babe, Fernando.

Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch.

Just smoke my cigarette and hush.

Don't call my name.

Don't call my name, Roberto.

Alejandro.

Alejandro.

Ale-ale-jandro.

Ale-ale-jandro. [2x]

The girls all alternated:

Don't bother me.

Don't bother me. Alejandro

Don't call my name.

Don't call my name, Fernando.

I'm not your babe.

I'm not your babe, Alejandro.

Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch. Fernando.

Mayuki sung by herself:

Don't call my name.

Don't call my name, Alejandro.

I'm not your babe.

I'm not your babe, Fernando.

Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch.

Just smoke my cigarette and hush.

Don't call my name.

Don't call my name, Roberto.

All joined in:

Alejandro.

Alejandro.

Ale-ale-jandro.

Ale-ale-jandro. [2x]

Don't call my name.

Don't call my name, Alejandro.

I'm not your babe.

I'm not your babe, Fernando.

Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch.

Just smoke my cigarette and hush.

Don't call my name.

Don't call my name, Roberto.

Barriss ended:

Alejandro.

The crowd went wild and the girls and guys got off stage with their gear before deciding to spend the rest of the party the way they were. They dumped their gear in the bathroom, away from the high Yoda and Yaddle, and rejoined the party as Kit was singing 'Tell Her About It' by 'Billy Joel', grabbing some beer and taking a few swigs.

A disapproving Obi-wan, a slightly disgusted Luminara, a frowning Padme and a PISSED OFF Anakin were waiting for them, the group even more stunned and angry at the fact they were drinking (A/N: Please note, in Australia the drinking age is eighteen but sixteen year olds drink anyway for either rebellious actions or stress control or if they are really messed up in the head, no offence to anyone, and I made Barriss 16 like the other two girls, as well as Lux and Sabishii).

"AHSOKA! MAYUKI!" Anakin barked at the stupidly grinning and drinking teens, "WHY DID YOU TWO DO SOMETHING SO SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE AND WHY ON MUSTAFAR ARE YOU TWO DRINKING? THAT ALSO GOES FOR YOU, BARRISS, LUX AND SABISHII!" An already buzzed Ahsoka giggled and slightly slurred "My par-rty, my r-rules!" She started poking Anakin and said "Spwoish! Spwoish!" The adults looked at each other and all of a sudden, a high and drunk Yoda burst through the door in a sparkly and frilly pink bikini and slurred "OO-OOOPAAAAAAAA GAAANGNAAAM STYYYYLE!

He started doing the dance drunkenly but got people to cheer and dance and sing with him, including Lux, Ahsoka, Sabishii and Mayuki, all of which got drunk really quickly. Barriss and Cody swayed with an arm around each other and cheered Yoda on while Yoda started to pole dance really suggestively. The four adults stared at Yoda, disturbed and shocked, before looking at the teens, then at each other. Obi-wan shrugged and said "Ah, fuck it!" and did the dance, the other three joining in.

After two and a half more hours of drinking and Oppa Gangnam Style, there was absolute chaos. A list had to be used:

-Ahsoka and Barriss had a chugging competition before Ahsoka and Lux swayed and sung on the dance floor, drunk as fuck

-Bant and Yaddle were wrestling with Gree, Echo and Hevy cheering them on while Fives kept throwing up in the toilet

-Kit and Aayla were flirting while Bell, Aurora, Cinderella, Snow White, Aikou, Naruhi and Fauna were gossiping about the two of them being intimate relationship wise in a corner

-Padme and Anakin were getting drunker by the minute and started cheering and whooping for no apparent reason

-Agen was drunkenly dancing with Adi while Saesee started pashing Stass

-Sabishii and Mayuki were snogging with Mayuki pressed against the wall

-Qui-gon and Tahl were in the closet, making out

-Obi-wan and Luminara, shockingly, got the drunkest of them all and were now screwing each other on the couch

-Satine, Mina and Riyo were passed out on the floor, surrounded by beer bottles and wine glasses

While all of this happened, Mace, Shaak and Plo burst into the room and took in the sight in front of them.

"WHAT, THE FUCK?!" Mace screamed, but nobody was paying attention to him. Rex stumbled his way over to Shaak and drunkenly said cheerfully "Heeyyyyy! Hot stuuufff! Ya wanna drink'n part'ie?! Mooore tha merrieeeeeeerrrrrr!" He promptly passed out on her and she stated "Wow ... that was weird." Plo nodded and they looked up just in time to see Quinlan jump out of the window, the Magic Mushrooms making him see a pretty unicorn he wanted to catch. The three masters looked at each other, unsure what to do, when all of a sudden, they heard high pitched screaming behind them.

They turned around to see Sidious and Dooku running for their lives from Flora and Merryweather sending colourful spells their way. "Sidious!" Flora called, "Stop running this instant! I'm telling you, pink would look lovely on you." Merryweather nodded and said "As for you, Dooku, blue would look dashing on you." Sidious and Dooku shouted back in unison "OVER MY DEAD BODY!" and jumped out the window with the fairies following them.

Grievous walked down the corridor towards the party and the masters drew their lightsabers. Grievous activated his but the confrontation was interrupted as the good fairy flew to Grievous and said "I am the Good Fairy. I can turn you back the way you were before you became a cyborg." He looked up and asked "Really?! Please do!" She nodded and said "As you wish." She wave her wand and Grievous turned into a seven year old human child. He looked at his human form and skipped and yelled "Yahoo! I'm a real boy!" Shaak squealed at how cute he was, deactivated her lightsaber and hugged the little Grievous. She said "I know! I'll adopt you as my new son!" He screamed "YAY! I HAVE A MUMMY!" and hugged her tight, the two of them skipping down the hallway happily.

Mace and Plo looked at each other, shrugged, and deactivated their lightsabers. Mace and Plo turned to the mess in Ahsoka's room as Luminara and Obi-wan staggered into the refresher and Plo asked "Now what are we going to do?" Mace shrugged and said "Let them handle it, I'm beat. Let's go." They closed the door and waited for the following morning.

Mayuki was the first up in the morning and she felt like her head was crushed by a thundering herd of Banthas. She needed to purge her stomach out, so she staggered slowly to the refresher and opened the door. Her eyes widened in shock, amusement and fear as she saw there, lying in Ahsoka's bath, stark naked on top of each other, Luminara and Obi-wan. She closed the door, turned on her heel and walked away as she said in a high and quiet sing-song voice "Awkward!"


End file.
